Rely on self and self alone is reliable

 Self is reliable

In desctructable

Its time to extract yourself out of this confusion

I remain the indestrutable true self

And all this is you already

I do not exist separately as an object

I alone am

I appear as all these objects in this waking state, along side being the knower of them, as well as the projector sustainer and experiencer

In sleep I alone am

In pralaya I alone am

In reality I alone am

Indescribable me

Do not consider this PSE as reality

It comes and goes it cant be real

Dream is not real, so is not this

I alone am real

Wake up to real I

Waking up I negate this already

Once this is negated I alone , pure consciousness alone, turiyam alone am left

I cannot negate myself

Hence I alone am

I need not and cannot and do not even claim I am 

That is the real truth

I dont claim I am

I dont do anything

I am akarta

OM

Any experience is always mithya

 Experiencer is all you need to know as isvara as brahman, as non dual being, limitless, consciousness, existence.

There is no second being

This is the only truth, there is no other truth

The experiencer experienced is the same being appearing as both experiencer and experienced

As projector and projected

As projector and projection

By appearing as both, I dont become many, I appear as both, I appear as many

Appearance remains appearance

What is true is not an appearance or the one to who something appears

So negate the seer seen duality as mithya

And then all that remains is I

Then on this appearance you can enjoy as its as though appearance

Even isvara appearance you can enjoy

Even objects you can enjoy

Even experiencer status you can enjoy

Otherwise even being an experiencer becomes a burden

You cant do anything about what you experience if you remain a witness its like a helpless state

Rather when you see yourself as truth of both experiencer and experience in which neither is there

Then you see even this expression as your own fullness in this form

Father as guru

 One who lacks a protective father

I have always lacked a protective father

Bhagavan is taking me into weird experiences maybe due to prarabdha

I am unable to decide if I can even use the shastra mirror, in the absence of a healthy guru sishya relationship

Who is my guru

Is it swami paramarthananda?

Is it swamini svatmavidyananda?

Is it bhagavan?

Do I even have a guru?

OR I just imagined I have a guru protecting and nurturing me?

I am confused internally?

Prayers also lead to more confusion

Bhagavan confuses me even more

No body is there 

I am all alone

I can use the shastra and say I am divine consciousness

Hence all is me, I am not all alone

All I have is shastra now

I have just myself and the shastra mirror given by guru

He has given it completely

He will never refuse to teach

He has always taught

Per his mirror I can see myself

I see myself as pure nirguna chaitanyam

All that is here is me

The nama rupa is as though

The maya shakti is as though

The isvaratvam is as though

Good news

 I am the good news

I am nirguna

This universe and its constituents, including shakti are mithya, dependent on my for existence and consciousness

I enjoy this drama, this play, this leela as it unfolds

I with a human brain may not know the future or how things will unfold

With a non judgemental vein I remain as myself the observer

I understand that prarabdha guides the future as it unfolds

I do not try to unneccessarily control the future as though I depend on this unfoldment of experiences

I am entirely independent of both pleasant and unpleasant experiences

I am totally free

Now coming to this universe

This universe is governed by my maya shakti

I am the ruler of this universe with my maya shakti

My maya shakti makes these experiences and this body mind possible

The person behind this body mind happens to be me, the same person behind maya shakti

The future of this universe is me, the past is me, present is me

Now coming to this experience

This experience is unfoldment of the order determined by me

I do not worry about it hence

I am whole always of course

This mind is now free from thinking of me as bound

Hence the mind is not dwelling upon me, and my future

The mind becomes available as an instrument for serving the greater cause

The mind is not pre occupied with the limited self , as that is not projected upon me anymore

They all think they are limited self, but they are all me, the unlimited self

Being the unlimited self, they are free already, but due to ajnana think themselves to be limited

Due to karuna I work towards helping beings in distress if and where I am able to

If I am unable to help I can pray for them

This is a beautiful state of mind to be in

Now coming to my family

My family now has my love

My love and guidance is always there for family

I am my own mother goddess

I have my eyes out for the family

Family is forever in absolute

There is no speculation

Nobodys impure vision will affect my vision

Nobodys impure intentions matter in front of my pure intentions

Nobodys ajnanam matters in front my freedom

Nobodys desire to harm matters in front of my desire to be vishnu the protector

Nobodys desire born of their own insecurity matters in front of my presence

OM tat sat

Harih Om

Shri gurubhyo namaH

Fear continues to dominate

Mother will forgive omissions and commissions

Mothers sons vel already protects from impure intentions

Guru wants me to be independent

I have to find my independence

I am the sat

I am protected by sat

Sat weilding maya shakti

Ishvara is sat

Tat tvam asi

As individual I shine, where again I am sat

As ishvara again I am sat

Ishvara is mithya ok, but mithya is satyam 

satyam is not mithya

ishvara is nirguna

ishvara appears as saguna in vyavahara, while continuing to stay nirguna

same nirguna ishvara appears as saguna

adidaiva

 For everything there is a devata

Family devata

Office devata

Health devata

Thought devata

Strength devata

Discipline devata

Desire devata

I devata

I devata is the reality of all the devatas

new beggining

 I have made a new beggining

I want to be real

I want to be truthful

I want to be grateful

I want to be graceful

I am OM

I want to live like OM

Like I am this universe

I want to live that way

With love I will do japam

As world is created by me via japam

I am not afraid to acknowledge I am brahman anymore

There is no one else to justify it to

And no one else to be afraid of

All that is here is myself

Who is here to challenge that

If lord krishna comes to challenge that

I will tell him you only told me

That you are me and I am you

What is there to challenge

How will you challenge me

If you argue that per upAdhi I am different from you

I will argue that you are me and I am you

You are just wearing a different costume than me

But I am you only, you are me only

Only costume is different

You are wearing a maya costume

I am wearing a costume made by you wearing maya costume

I am yourself as though wearing costume as though made by you as though as maker of costume

Isnt this a mithya reality

Then what is there to argue

Dont argue

I am you and you are me

I dont need mantra or japa for worshipping

I am you and you are me

We are one friends we are

We dont need a sense of master vs slave

We are friends

You are my best friend

You are me

I know you will forgive me

And these evil thoughts

You are the source of these thoughts also

Its your son pradyum who is lord of these thoughts

So you manage them, why should I take responsibility

I don't take responsibility for anything

You manage everything its yours not mine

So I dont claim anything as mine

All good and bad is yours

I ask you for nothing

But secretly I have attachement to family

Because I see fatherhood as mine

Husbandhood as mine

Sonhood as mine

But those are also yours

You manage those too

I will just remain as pure atma

I will merge with you

You manage the world which is you

I lack the skill to manage this world

It is yours you manage it

Thats better

Om tat sat

__PRESENT

Pure consciousness irrespective of mind

 Irrespective of state of mind

Irrespective of indisciplined behavior

Irrespective of lack of alignment with respect to vAsanas

Atma is brahman

Brahman is behaving as though as this erratic personality

But reality of this person is brahman alone

There is no doubt or change in that

There is no alteration in that

What you do next does not matter

What you want does not matter

Your wishes dont matter to brahmatvam nature of yourself

Nothing matters as all that is here is yourself

Everything is atma

OM